


The Unbeatable Pun

by rempow



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Bakagami, Canon Compliant, Crack, Explicit Language, Gen, How Do I Tag, Humor, I couldn't help myself, Well I tried, but that is irrelevant, but we love him, honestly the jokes aren't even that dirty but i don't wanna get in trouble, i hope this makes you laugh, making fun of aomine, none of these tags are serious oopsies, puns, refs do not exist, tagged as mature for the dirty jokes, there's a B99 ref in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29075847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rempow/pseuds/rempow
Summary: Seriously, how has no one made fun of Aomine's ridiculous catchphrase? What else do you beat on your own?During their Inter High match, Izuki makes a simple pun, leading to several people roasting the crap out of Aomine. This is not serious in any way, but I tried to keep it canon lol!
Relationships: None
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	The Unbeatable Pun

**Author's Note:**

> I spent two hours creating this instead of working on my project, which is due at midnight, two hours from now. I only looked over it once, so apologies for grammar problems. This idea popped into my head and would not get out, I had fun writing this, I hope you have fun reading this!

The Generation of Miracles was known as the current basketball geniuses, once in every 10,000 years type of talent. However, they weren't the only geniuses on the court. Izuki Shun saw and heard things that no one else could ever imagine. For his whole life, he had been crafting his talent, unfazed by anyone who ever doubted him. Sure, it was hard at some times, but his puns could never be stopped. No matter how hard Hyuuga slapped him. So, when Aomine Daiki beat all five of them, knocking Kagami to the floor, during their Inter High match, saying "the only one who can beat me, is me," Izuki couldn't help his genius brain leap to the beautiful conclusions of a pun.

A soft gasp drew Hyuuga’s attention to Izuki. Worried his teammate was hurt, Hyuuga turned quickly, but stopped abruptly as he saw the familiar gleam in the silver eyes. Oh god, here we go. A wave of annoyance washed over him unconsciously and his eyebrow twitched as he prepared himself for another one of Izuki's ridiculous sayings. How could he even be thinking about that during a game like this? Was he not putting his all into playing? Maybe a slap would refocus him. As Hyuuga began to raise his hand to strike Izuki, the gleam in his silver eyes turned into the sparkling that Hyuuga only saw once Izuki's puns were fully complete. Nothing could stop the point guard from telling everyone his stupid joke.

Izuki pulled himself to his feet, heart fluttering, eyes bright, and headed to Aomine. Wow, this might be my best one yet. I can't believe I am capable of thinking at this level, I really am a genius. Aomine barely glanced at him when Izuki came to a stop in front of him, but Izuki cleared his throat and haughtily called out. "So, Aomine, you must be a virgin, yes?" Every player on the court froze. Hyuuga’s mouth hung open. Are his brains scrambled? How the hell did he get that?

Aomine turned, glare much more intense than usual. "What the fuck did you just say?" he took a step towards Izuki, who smirked. Once he started a pun, he always finished it. No matter what.

"Why, you said it yourself. The only one who can beat you," Izuki then made an obscene gesture in front of his pants, Hyuuga choked, oh my fucking god, blared in the captain’s head" is you. Am I right?" 

The court was silent before, but somehow it got even quieter. Izuki whipped his head back and forth, looking at everyone's faces. Most had their mouths open, including the Touou team. A second passed before Izuki heard a giggle. VINDICATION!! He turned around, expecting Koganei to be the one, but lo and behold, Touou's slimy captain Imayoshi had now broken out into full laughter, hands on his knees as he gasped in between snorts. And, YES, even his teammates were holding back laughs now, Hyuuga was biting his lip, Mitobe had a large smirk on his face, and Kuroko blinked a few more times than normal. Kagami didn’t appear to get it, his eyebrows were knitted in thought as he looked between Aomine and Izuki, trying to piece it out. Ah, Basuke Bakagami does live up to his name. Only thing on that kid’s mind is basketball. Suddenly, Izuki felt a shiver down his spine, like a wild panther was stalking him. He glanced back at Aomine and froze. Not good, the man is practically glowing in anger. 

"Why you little fucking bitch, I-" Anger overtook Aomine as he lunged at Izuki, who yelped out five prayers while jumping backward. If this is the end, I gotta say, I went out with a bang. Imayoshi, still laughing quickly jumped forward and grabbed Aomine's arm before he could land a hit. 

"Now, now, A-aomine. L-let's not let any words get in our heads, okay?” the captain stuttered as laughed interrupted his words. “If you get thrown out of this game for hitting this guy, I’ll have to punish you. Expect a beating!" Izuki gasped. acknowledgment from someone elite like Imayoshi? Truly, my best work yet. Izuki could almost see blue lightning spitting off of Aomine's jersey, his eyes were glowing embers. He seemed to grow five inches taller, pulling free from Imayoshi's grasp and snarling. 

"Why you - I’ll kill you right here," growled Aomine, grabbing the collar of Imayoshi’s jersey.

"Aomine!" a soft voice called, and Aomine froze. Kuroko? The blue-haired boy stepped into the fray, a determined look on his face. "Stop this. it doesn't matter if what Izuki said is true or not, at the end of this match, you'll be beaten for sure! you're not “getting off” easy for threatening to hit my teammate!" Kuroko, a true miracle, kept a straight face through it. Izuki's eyes bulged, gasps of laughter bursting from his chest. Poor Kagami was still confused, whispering to Hyuuga. In response, the captain put a hand over his face, covering his eyes.

“Of course you don’t get it. Stay that way forever, Kagami,” Hyuuga said mournfully. At this point, even Mitobe's shoulders shook with silent laughter. Holy shit, Kuroko is my favorite person in the world. Imayoshi's eyes cracked open.

"Wow, we may have underestimated Seirin," he drawled, hand lifting to tap on his chin. Wakamatsu's roaring laughter made everyone wince. "God, you are so loud." The whole court then burst out laughing, minus Aomine. Momoi hid his smirk behind her clipboard, but Izuki's Eagle Eye picked it up. Yes, this was truly the greatest moment in his life. Aomine closed his eyes, both fists clenched at his sides.

"You know what, fuck all of you. I’m going to destroy your team with my basketball, Kuroko. You guys will never be able to beat me," he declared. However, once he said "beat," everyone started laughing even harder. Wakamatsu fell to the ground, slapping a hand on the court while he gasped for breath. Aomine gritted his teeth hard, and when he turned, he shoved Imayoshi hard. "After I win I’m going to beat your ass.”

Alas, it was not in the cards for Seirin. Izuki's joke probably fired up Aomine to another level, Kagami’s legs were shot, their Inter High dreams were dashed. Before walking off of the courts, Aomine curled his lip at Izuki. Truly, this kid was a wild animal. Before the blue-haired beast could say anything, Momoi grabbed his arm, yanking him over to Touou's bench. She murmured a "good game" to Izuki with a quick wink. Wait, what did that mean? 

Training after their losses at Inter High was tough. Izuki felt like he was going to die on multiple occasions, he had never been that sore in his life. All of the players came out of the beach and mountain training trips with solid goals in their minds. Perfect my clutch shooting. Master my new drive weapon. Jump even higher. Izuki's was to make it far enough into Winter Cup to face Touou once more, and finally, ask Momoi what her wink meant. It was clear that Kuroko was the only man she had eyes for, so what could it possibly mean? That question had eaten at Izuki every day, driving him further and further in his training. and on a certain rainy day, Izuki finally learned.

Momoi had come to the Seirin gym, dripping wet and sobbing. After she explained the whole ordeal of Aomine's injury to the team, silence filled the gym. This was his chance. Izuki cleared his throat, a serious gleam in his eyes. "Momoi-san, I have one more question." Everyone in the gym looked at him, seeing his game face, back straight, hands at his sides. They saw Izuki, Eagle-Eyed, point guard, playmaker for their team, a reliable second year. 

"At the end of our match, you winked at me. Does that mean...?" Izuki had been thinking of every meaning of that wink, and the only possibility was this. Still, he couldn't believe it. Momoi bit her lip, seemingly attempting to recall the events that transpired on that day. once she realized, she gasped, blushing. Hyuuga slapped a hand over his face, groaning. 

"I shouldn't say, it's none of my business," she began, and Izuki shrunk. So close! The rest of the boys were silent, confused. Aida had put it together, sighing and putting her head in her hands. Momoi looked up, clapping her hands together. She smiled brightly, but Izuki could tell it was like Aida’s smile when she overheard them discussing Mai-chan’s magazine pictures, the demon smile. He returned his own, ready to finally get closure. "Actually, Dai is being a little bitch right now, so I’ll say it. he's a fucking virgin."

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully you laughed! I'm gonna go cry as I work on my stupid project now.


End file.
